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The statement that is propagated by those who externalize their successes (or failures) is “It's not what you know – it's who you know” Often the tone and implication is that those who've succeeded were just born lucky or connected. Their family – or pre-school class was just unnaturally well connected to the “Right People.” The implication is that since you were not BORN with the same connections there's just no hope to have comparable success.
Not to burst their bubble – but in the vast majority of cases – those who have made the right connections are those who made friends, learned about people, served without expectation of a immediate or even direct return, and who made a concerted effort to build and maintain friendships.
How do you network and build positive relationships effectively?
First.
This is really important.
Really be a QUALITY person.
What's that mean in this context?
Well the short list is:
Be a student. We're not talking about formal academics here. READ. Read a lot. Read about subjects that you are interest in learning more about. Read about things that you really need to understand to be successful.
You will gain more respect if you can hold an intelligent conversation on the topics at hand. If you have a solid knowledge base – you are certainly perceived to be intelligent and a valuable contributor.
Be FOCUSED and goal oriented.
We've all read about how to set goals.
SMART goals (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Tangible.)
You already know this from watching your students – however you may not recognize it in yourself – goal oriented people exude a focus and confidence and self discipline that attracts other success oriented people.
Be interested in people. Ask questions. Get them talking about themselves. Remember the details THAT ARE IMPORTANT to them.
Learn to SHUT UP. Talking about yourself – beyond a foundational background to establish credibility – puts people to sleep. People love to talk about themselves.
Project a successful image that is in-sync with the key leaders in any environment.
Second. Isolate those people who can add value to your life.
In any crowd – figure out who could teach you something or add real value to your life is some way. This is difficult to pre-judge but isolate a few individuals whom you want to meet. Many people think that networking at a seminar means meeting everyone and exchanging lots of business cards – soon to be discarded. I'd rather leave with one or two new friends and then meet their friends and acquaintances.
Third. Find a way to add value.
Any high profile leader, speaker, consultant, or business operator is inundated with people who all want something from them. They have secretaries, assistants, and even bodyguards who's sole function is to guard them from self-centered masses who want something for nothing from them. Who waste their time and distract them from their real objectives.
Figure out what the other person values and what they are really passionate about. Wherever you have the ability – find a way enhance areas that they care about passionately.
Fourth. Give without expectation of a payback.
Go above and beyond with those whom you decide to network. If you give without immediate expectation of payback your contributions will be perceived as sincere – because they are sincere.
Fifth. Choose seminars and other events – as much based upon who's attended
as much as upon who's speaking. There are some events where the only real valuable contact is the keynote speaker – who's speaking to 2,500 people – that's tough. One the other had 75 high quality people attending with several quality presenters provides much more likelihood of leaving with a few new peers or mentors who can add value.
Sixth. Be unique. Without unnecessary flamboyance have a few unique and
memorable traits that are memorable – in a positive way.
Seventh. Follow-up. Go to “Successories,” some other quality card shop, or print
some custom note cards. When you meet someone new – drop them a note. Doesn't have to be anything fancy – just nice meeting you or thank you for your contribution, etc.
Make notes to yourself about their interests and needs. When you come across an article, book, or contact that might be valuable then mail it or call them with this information or contact.
Read “Dig Your Well Before You Are Thirsty” by Harvey McCay.
Eight. Be too busy to be a pest. If you are goal oriented and focused – you are
highly unlikely to waste anyone's time. Be respectful of people's time. Call with a specific question – or a specific contribution. Don't waste anyone's time.
Nine. Don't be a FAN or Groupie. Although momentarily flattering – no one really wants to spend time with dreamy eyed fans. You and I want to spend time talking to people who can contribute to and support our own objectives – not just those who seek autographs, pictures, or association with fame.
Ten. Don't be afraid to approach the “big fish” they are just people too – and may be hungry for someone to just talk to them as a person.
A couple of personal case studies:
Chuck Norris and the “Side Kicks” Tour.
In 1987 and 1988 I first started exploring the idea of promoting a national karate tournament. Soon after being accepted as a NASKA national promoter I began to get acquainted with the other promoters. It was clear that some would do little to enhance my life – however the real leaders all had value to add and some real qualities. Gradually – using many of the steps outline above – I moved into the “inner circle” networking with Larry Carnahan, Joe Corley, Rich Baptista, Mike McCoy and his partner Mike Sawyer.
On the circuit this often ended up with a small group having a nice dinner in whatever town we were visiting – or, my dragging a small group to a movie the beach or some other interesting excursion.
After a couple of years I ended up at the U.S. Open in Orlando – promoted by close friends (who I had never met before becoming a promoter) Mike Sawyer and Mike McCoy. After the even I invited myself along to an intimate dinner with Mike Sawyer, Larry Carnahan, Mike McCoy, Chuck Norris and a couple of people that I had never met before. While everyone else focused on Chuck – I began talking the quiet and really pleasant couple sitting with me at the end of the table. Turned out they were Jim and Linda MacInvale.
He turned out to be “Mattress Mac” well known Houston entrepreneur of Gallery Furniture (and Gallery Films) This rather shy, non-descript, and certainly rather shabbily dressed man had personally financed the movie Side Kicks to the tune of about $8 Million at that point. We had a pleasant conversation. Exchanged business cards – talked briefly about common interests.
Of course after dinner we all did the requisite photos with Chuck Norris and said goodnight. On Monday I got my cards out and sent a follow-up note to Jim and Linda. Great to meet you in Denver . Was fascinated to hear about your business. Would love to come to Houston sometime and learn from you operation. Thanks Steve. I don't remember if I even left knowing how to get ahold of Chuck Norris – if so, I'm sure I dropped him a note as well.
It was quite a while later – at least a year. That I learned from Mike Sawyer that “Side Kicks” had been released and that Chuck was hoping to get karate schools promoting the movie.
When I heard that I asked how I could help then did 500%:
I got copies of their promo video tape. Sent copies to friends that I knew had cable TV shows – who immediately put them on the air (John Graden, Tom Callos, and others) I started showing the promo real to my students. Called Mike Sawyer and brainstormed on ways that I could help – and that the industry in general could help. Then called Jim McInvale to ask how I could help them in their promotions.
Note: This was all with no real expected payback – other than if Side Kicks
became the next “Karate Kid” I figured it would be good for business.
Then after the second or third call to Jim to give ideas and connect him to friends in the industry he mentioned that Chuck Norris was doing a national tour to support the movie. When I found out he was visiting Denver – I immediately started looking for ways to help support their tour in Denver . After lots of contribution – I talked to Jim about having a visit to my school. The basic response was: “Mr. Norris's policy on this tour is not to visit ANY karate schools – however, you have been such a huge help I'm sure we can make an exception”
After our confirmation of the schedule for his visit in Denver I tripled my effort to help promote “Side Kicks” and I mean really went above and beyond. We faxed letters and made calls to every school in town inviting the kids to come and meet Chuck Norris, talked to all of the theaters to ask how we could help, contacted every radio station, TV station, and newspaper. And, offered to split the cost of ads in the major papers promoting the personal appearances at the theaters and at the karate schools. We also talked with the theaters about offering free month passes to everyone who bought a ticket to “Side Kicks.”
Actually Chuck tried to back out of visiting my school after we had already promoted it – because of his “No Karate Schools” policy. Jim nicely explained to him that NOBODY had done as much to support their effort – they absolutely had to return the favor.
In fact, our first face to face interaction in Denver was with a “betacam” I my face and Chuck saying – Steve I'm sorry – I know your're pissed by get over it you are on Entertainment Tonight (and, in fact the visit to the school was featured on the show)
Well – we had so many people at the karate school that literally we ended up with 15 police directing traffic and a line around the building. We did TV interviews with all of the major affiliate stations in my office, with a Mile High Karate banner in back, and in most of the stories they started with exterior shots of our sign and of the crowds. A few weeks later I ended up meeting Chuck Norris with Bob Wall and Mike Sawyer at Chuck Norris's ranch in Navasota to discuss other potential business opportunities to work together.
Shortly thereafter I introduced Chuck Norris to the EFC Board of Directors and to Nick Cokinos. While at his ranch – I got autographed pictures for all of the movie theater district managers and personally mailed or delivered them with a Thank You note from me for their help during the visit of my friend.
That eventually led to a series of ads featuring Chuck Norris that I developed for use by EFC schools and Fundraising efforts by my schools of over $50,000 to his Kick Drugs Foundation and over $500,000 raised through EFC schools. And for three or four years I was always his official host at our annual EFC Conventions.
I've continued to help in fundraising for Kick Drugs Out of America – now this is important – because I believe in their cause and I truly like the people involved and want to help NOT with any expected return. Also, I've had the privilege of being able to contribute ideas regarding instructor recruitment and training with their head instructor Ed Saenz. Oh, and I got to hang out on the set of Walker – be technical director for a karate tournament they filmed and be center referee for the climatic fight scene. I don't think I'll be taking over Chuck Norris's spot but it was a lot of fun.
Remember:
Meet people who can contribute;
Make a contribution;
Be unique;
Don't waste their time;
Follow-up.
A couple of quick thoughts:
Be memorable for SOMETHING. I am often memorable because I read so much. Often when a topic that I have a passing familiarity with comes up – I've often read several books on the subject.
Therefore when I find out what someone I've me is interested in I will often – talk to them about the topic a little – find out if they've read one of my favorites - and, if not send them the book. This accomplishes several things simultaneously:
Anchors a memorable trait that I have in their mind;
Adds value to them – on a subject that they have expressed an interest in already;
Gives a delayed way to follow-up from our conversation in a way that reinforces that I remembered their interests;
Amazon.com is a wonderful way to expedite your follow-up. You can order on-line – complete the card – and, have whatever book drop shipped right away.
Keep note-cards on hand. I even keep them in my day planner and have even been know to address follow-up cards to people I meet in a meeting – while I'm still sitting in the meeting or seminar.
Always figure out WHO you should meet at any gathering. Make an effort to meet them, create conversation, and find common interests.
Example:
At a recent internet marketing seminar that I attended which was all day Friday,
Saturday and Sunday – I approached the host/promoter with whom I already had a pretty good relationship with – and asked: “Who is there here that I MUST meet before this is over?” He went through a list of about 10 people – 6 of whom I had already met and 4 of whom I was unaware of. Sure enough he introduced me and gave them a couple of reasons to be interested in meeting me. Mission accomplished. It was now important for me to follow the process discussed already to maintain contact.
Quick Go Read:
“Networking with the Affluent” by Dr. Thomas Stanley and, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” and, “Dig Your Well Before You're Thirsty” by Harvey McCay
These three books make up the ultimate collection of networking ideas and implementation steps available. If you want to have access to the best and the brightest then you really must devour these books and act on the content.
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